Thursday, January 30, 2014

What Now?

In winter of 2011, just shy of my 10 year wedding anniversary, I started making plans to leave my husband. He was served with divorce papers on March 17. There were a lot of reasons for me making this decision, some valid, some probably not. I poured through the Bible and prayed, trying to find wisdom, and couldn't make sense of what was the truth and what was me twisting stuff to align with what I wanted. On my knees, in tears, begging God for answers night after night.

I went to a counselor, talked to friends, to the wife of one of our pastors.

I was desperate for knowledge, for answers.

Ultimately, I chose to pursue divorce. I'm not going to get into all the why's and whether it was the right choice or not but I do want to share a little of what it's been like since then and what I've learned/ am learning.

Divorce is a crazy thing that tears families apart, ruins friendships, and complicates life beyond what one could fathom.

For the last three years, I have dealt with guilt and shame- because I am the one who chose to cause this chaos. To ruin friendships and tear our family apart.

And because I was told, in the process of seeking wisdom, that God hates divorce and that divorce is never in His will and since God never changes, I would never again be in His will.

And this is what I want to address.

What is a person supposed to do with that? According to this nugget of  "wisdom," my life might as well be over, I no longer had a purpose, would never again walk in His will, and therefore am condemned to Hell.

Well, I am here to tell you the other side of it. The message of HOPE. The message I'm still learning myself. It's such a beautiful message of peace, hope, grace, and mercy, that everyone needs to hear it.

Imagine if, every time someone strayed from God's will, their life became pointless.

We'd have a world full of wandering nobodies.

It's such an awful place to be in, to think that your life has no purpose, that you can never again be in God's will, and that you are condemned to hell.

Here are some verses that I find comfort, peace, grace, and mercy in:

Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful"

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Psalm 86:5 "You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you."

Romans 8:1 "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God."

No matter what you've been through, the choices you've made, the path you've walked- God does still love you and have a plan for you and your life IS important. Be encouraged. Pursue God and righteousness and you will find your purpose!

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