My eyes are still swollen and tired from the night I had last night. It was rough, I'm not going to lie. I've been having a really rough time lately and I finally allowed myself to open up to Dan and share my heart with him and talk through it. I knew in my head what was going on but sometimes, you just gotta get it OUT.
You know how we say things like "you make me feel ____________________" (happy, mad, sad, glad, etc.) Well, one of my friends once said no one makes you feel any certain way- how you feel is up to you. And while that took me a little while to wrap my head around, it really is true. How we feel is a decision that only we can make for ourselves.
Dan asked me in our conversation, "so what is it that you want?" And I replied "peace." It's as simple as that. All I want is peace. I don't want a bigger house, a nicer car (Bigger, yes. Nicer, not necessarily.), a successful career, a nicer wardrobe- the list of all the possible "wants" could go on. All I want is peace.
So today, I'm choosing peace for myself. Looking to the giver of LIFE and finding peace.
In order to have that, I need to debunk some of the lies from that evil destroyer that I've let creep into my head. And since I'm a list maker, I'll list off the ones that come to mind first:
I'm all alone.
I'm ugly and fat.
I'm a bad mom/ wife/ sister/ daughter/ friend.
I'm cursed because of my divorce.
I have no future, no purpose; I'm worthless.
Wow. Really?! WHO thinks all these things about themselves?! Someone who has not been paying near enough attention to the Word of God, clearly, because the Word says:
"I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14
"For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
"For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31
I blogged before about discerning a lie from the truth. It's really a good practice to get into and one I've simply gotten away from. I think the devil knew I was at a vulnerable time in my life and took advantage of that to bombard me with lies and me, in my weariness, didn't take time to question if it was the truth or a lie and I just started believing it all.
But not any more. Today I know the truth and I find peace in my Savior. And I hope that you do, too. Whatever is going on in our lives, no matter how blah or bleak or down right miserable it may seem, we can have peace where we are at and look to the future with hope!
If you'd like to share thoughts with me on this or need someone to talk to, feel free to comment below or email me. I want everyone to know the peace that is available to us if we just choose it for ourselves.